Taking a break after this for a couple of weeks – off to South-West France for a breath of french air. Will be good to be in a country which has not taken leave of its senses. As I speak good French, I will disguise myself with onions, beret, etc., sing Marsellaise a lot and say I come from Calais or somewhere well North. No desire to be laughed at.

But meanwhile …

Trump preps for Thanksgiving, kills Turkey by lying it to death. Pudding will be Kurds and whey. Pulls troops in, takes them out, pulls them out, takes them in. US Generals meet themselves going both ways. Sanctions imposed on Canada by mistake. Justin Trudeau blacks out.

Bullmeister serves Queen’s peach. Her Maj orders him to Tower of London, had it up to here. “First lies to one, then puts peaches in one’s mouth. Constitution be damned – where is it written that one has to listen to this crap-artist? Ah – unwritten, eh, so that’s alright then.”

Japanese rugby typhoon destroys Scotland. Moving south en route to England and Wales. Told you so. Warnings issued by everyone. Bullmeister says, “I, I, I, haaaa, have to, y’know, have something to, phwaaar, raise spirits among voters. Need that, that, that, bally World Cup. Voters always aaaah, give government credit for anything like that.

Prizes awarded by Booker, Turner and Stirling for something or other vaguely artistic, possibly fatberg, possibly best cake baked by cack-handed celeb. Unclear. Extended rebellion by Extinct Rebellion, Extension Rebellion. Police arrest one another for failure to do something.

King Ding Ping of China, possibly Ding Dong, maybe Ping Pong demands that someone gives him a horn. Needs to add to bones of bonkers Hongkers which he says he will grind to powder. Needs rhino-sized horn to make an impression. Awarded Nobel Prize for medicine.