THE DISASTER CHRONICLES, NEXT CHAPTER

Day whatever: action plan now carved in tofu. Parliament in, out, and shaken all about, bill to stop and disable anyone doing anything tabled, stapled; there might or might not be a general election between now and Michaelmas provided that there is an R in the month, that a bare-arsed majority of MP’s who want to be PM’s know the difference, and are selected, deselected, reselected and sworn at and in. The EU leaves the UK, Tsk suffers mortal regret, the WTO asks WHO, WHY and WTF. Rice-Moss lies down.

Next: China tells Hong Kong to Honk On, masses masses of the masses at border, hesitates to invade realising that it can’t, really, invade itself. Roos-Moose tired. Lies down. UK-US special relationship discovered to be distant, fifteenth cousins seventeen times removed. trump offers to buy Poundland, believing it to be another name for GB. Faraaaaage counsels acceptance, has a fag. Fag unhappy, was not expecting this.

And then: Indian PM Modi, being mode conscious and a la mode, wears out Kashmir, orders new one, but insists that it must not be Pak-ed. Macron, what a joker, orders a dozen zimmer frames for Bolsanaro’s wife to be delivered in pizza van. Bolsanaro sets fire to himself in fury. Again. Roots-Midge reclines.

Day the next: Mother Nature, pissed off with human arrogance which belives it can change climates, sets off Krakatoa, Kilauea, Vesuvius, Etna, several other active volcanoes and far too much of Yellowstone, simultaneously. Winter of discontent. NOW we’re talking CO2. trump wants to know who turned out the lights. Al Gore erupts. Proposes marriage to Thunberg. Told by his wife (Hooter? Pooter? Tooter? No, Scooter, really) “Biggami, Al, ya cain’t do that.” Jacob The Weary lies down.

A new day dawneth: Academie Francaise (French Language Police) complain that pronunciation of Monsewer Brexit Parti’s name offends. Leaves everyone thinking farage is French. Take umbridge and insist it should be farridge as in marridge, garridge, etc. Bozo, now in deep confusion, does deal with farridge in mistaken belief that he is dealing with french EU negotiator. Deal involves neither Conservatives nor Brexitpartygoers standing up and being counted at next general election. Rich-Mugg asleep.

So … on with the motley.